I was sitting on my couch, drinking a glass of wine, and watching the voice when I received this text:
“Do you consider yourself an evangelical?”.
What an opening text. I love having friends who have no desire meddling at the surface, but would rather take a full plunge into the cold undesirable waters of conversation that so many people try to avoid. I responded with what felt like a well thought out answer, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the question.
Do I? Why did that one single question stir so many emotions? Would I maybe even venture to say that this question triggered me? I think it did.
If you have been around Christianity for any segment of time you start picking up on “the lingo”. There is a whole set of words and phrases that folks in the church use as fillers, or feel good pick-me-ups. It’s really quite comical, in the church we speak our own little language: Christian-Ese.
It’s interesting because in a place that should be so welcoming to the stranger, it seems to me as if having a church specific dialect can be so othering, probably unintentionally, but the result is the same nonetheless. If you’re a Christian reading this don’t be offended just laugh at it. Come on, “loved that message I just want to echo that on your life brother!”. It’s kind of weird, you have to admit.
The word “evangelical” is a regular part of the Christian-Ese vocabulary. I’ve been at conferences where being “evangelical” and “evangelising” were core themes. I worked for a denomination that was known as the “Evangelical Covenant church”. I’ve read whole books around the idea that as Christians one of our most important responsibilities is to be evangelical.
I think the problem is, so often the events associated with the word have been hurtful, the churches so harmful, the books used to weaponize a judgemental posture and self righteous way of approaching the unchurched world.
It’s Toxic.
I think sometimes being “evangelical” maybe makes it hard to allow people to feel loved, and if we can’t do that – then we’re missing the point of it all. Being evangelical shouldn’t be a checklist, it isn’t something we do to accrue points for the good place. However, maybe it should be something that cultivates love; because ultimately, Christ is love.
So am I an evangelical?
Well, I believe all good things come from Christ. I believe in a Bible that teaches us that Christ came to earth as a man who showed us that love and empathy are the most compelling attributes of them all. I believe that love radiates light in the darkest places of humanity. I think love can heal the deepest wounds and rebuild the most broken structures, and I fully believe this type of strong, steadfast love comes from above – from Christ.
It’s taken me a really long time to deconstruct my faith, to unfold all the creases and pick out all the toxicity that was woven in. I think everyone who grew up in the church could benefit from this exercise to some extent. We have to be honest, the church, evangelicalism, at its inception was intended for good, but it has often caused a lot of pain. Reckoning with the reality of a harmful church, sifting through that brokenness, it isn’t sinful, it is diligent work, it’s necessary work.
In the very Christian-Ese, churchy sense of the word, I’m going to have to say no – I’m not an evangelical. You’ll never catch me trying to convert someone who is Hindu or any other belief, you’ll never see me in your DM’s questioning your life choices, I will never cause you shame or guilt.
But I will sit with you in your pain, like Jesus does. I will love you in the hard times, and I will remind you how wonderful and beautiful you are. I will gladly share with you how I got to the place I am right now with faith, and how it looks totally different than anything I ever imagined. If that’s “evangelical” then sure, ya I guess I am.
f is for friend 